Home page Psychology blog 12 qualities of a strong Personality: how to understand and develop them?

12 qualities of a strong Personality: how to understand and develop them?

28.09.2019 Author: Psychologist Pavel Khoroshutin

“I can’t be strong. I can’t handle difficulties, my hands go down at the slightest failure. By nature, I’m a whiner and a wimp, probably, it can not change, no matter how much I tried — nothing comes out. It seems to me that it is good and necessary to be a strong personality. I used to think that everything would come with age and life’s problems, but any problems only break me and reduce my self-esteem. Maybe I live in greenhouse conditions, but life is in no hurry to teach me something. What should I do? How to become a strong personality and a confident girl? Is there any chance to change?”

— Anna, 24

 strong personality

Many people want to be a strong person. Many want to cope with all life’s difficulties, not to give up in difficult situations, to be confident in themselves and their abilities, to rely on themselves, not to depend on the opinion of others, and to be able to defend their rights. Is it possible to develop such qualities? Traditionally, we have two news: one good and another a little worse. The good news is that a person can change himself [1], the brain is plastic and changes under the influence of experience. The worse news is that there is no magic pill, which in one night will make a strong and courageous person from an infantile and weak one. Although some manage to seriously rethink their lives in one day, having faced a severe life crisis. You can change your behavior, but it will require some effort and consistent action on your part. So you should be patient, and we will help you find the tools for development. Study the article, add to the bookmarks — you will find a lot of useful and practical information on how to stop being shy, introverted, and insecure. Let’s understand what qualities a strong personality has, which prevents people from starting again from Monday, and how to develop useful qualities, so as not to give up everything in a week.

Contents:

  1. The qualities of a strong personality
  2. Personality rights
  3. How do I know if I’m a strong person?
  4. Why it’s so hard to start and not quit?
  5. How can a weak man or a woman become a strong personality?

The qualities of a strong personality

The qualities of a strong personality

To begin with, we shall determine what qualities distinguish a strong personality from an ordinary person.

  1. Self-confidence and proactivity. The most important quality. A strong personality soberly assesses its abilities and prospects, boldly manifests itself and does not sink into despondency, facing limitations. A strong personality has an active life position.
  2. The ability to establish relationships with others and make a good impression. A strong personality can talk and negotiate with people, taking into account not only their interests but also the interests of others.
  3. Responsibility. A strong personality knows how to be responsible for its actions and decisions, but at the same time does not take responsibility for others.
  4. The ability to learn from one’s own mistakes. Like any person, it can be wrong, but it perceives mistakes as a way to become a strong and confident person, and not as a failure of a lifetime.
  5. Open expression of one’s feelings. A strong personality is well versed in its emotions and understands what they are caused by. It can openly voice its experiences: discontent, doubts, sadness, anger, and other emotions.
  6. Autonomy. A strong personality understands that it is a separate and full-fledged person who should not merge into a single whole with other people. Such a person can stand up for itself and protect his/her borders (privacy).
  7. Strong personality. A strong person is not afraid to be different from other people, he/she knows that the right to be oneself is the inalienable right of any person.
  8.  Lack of envy. A strong personality does not envy other people’s successes and can rejoice for others.
  9.  The habit of acting. A strong personality can set goals, achieve them and even change them in the middle of the path if suddenly it becomes clear that the original goal is wrong.
  10.  Self-improvement. A strong personality never stops to develop. It is honestly aware of the qualities and skills it needs to develop and is acting that way.
  11. It can set goals clearly and persistently achieve them. It knows exactly what it is aiming for, moves to the desired, despite the obstacles.
  12. Cheerfulness. No, this does not mean that a strong personality only smiles from morning to evening, and wears rose-colored sunglasses. However, such people know how to enjoy life, how to be optimistic and not to give up if everything went wrong.

Learn to manage the quality of a strong personality

Make for consultation WATCH VIDEO

Personality rights

The qualities of a strong personality are reflected in the rights of the individual person. These rights are also called assertive behavior, i.e. the ability not to depend on opinions of others, to rely on oneself, and to regulate one’s behavior. The observance thereof, as a rule, helps to become more decisive and get rid of the stress caused by the constant expectation of condemnation from others. Keep in mind that other people have the same rights.

  1. A person has the right to evaluate one’s behavior, thoughts, emotions, and to be responsible for the consequences. When we take the evaluation function on ourselves, we begin to speculate within the framework of “whether it suits me or not” rather than “I am good or bad, but what others will think of me”. Following this rule will help both to overcome self-doubt and to build confidence.

The mindset against which this right is directed: lookers on see more than players, others know me better, so they have to evaluate how good or bad I am.

  1. A person has the right to make excuses for his/her actions, thoughts or behavior. We have the right not to explain the reasons for our decisions and not to feel guilty for “some misbehavior”.

Mindset: I must come up to the expectations of others and apologize if my actions do not come up to those expectations.

  1. A person has the right to decide whether to take responsibility for the actions and problems of others. It is important to understand that you don’t have to be responsible for everything. Often it is simply impossible, we do not have enough resources for everything.

Mindset: First I have to take care of others, and only then, if there is time, about myself.

  1. A person has the right to think better and change his/her mind. This behavior is a normal reaction to the changes that are taking place around us. The world is changing, circumstances are changing, and we also can change.

Mindset: if I voice an opinion, I have to stick to it for the rest of my life. Changing the opinion means that I am incompetent and irresponsible, bad, and cannot make any decisions.

  1. The person has the right to make mistakes and be responsible for its mistakes. No one is perfect, and neither are we, so it’s okay to make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes, and not evaluate yourself using them.

Mindset: I can’t make mistakes, any mistake is the collapse of everything, and I have to feel guilty about it.

  1. The personality shall have the right to say: “I don’t know.” It is impossible to know everything, and ignorance of something does not make us useless, stupid, or bad.

Mindset: I need to know the answers to all the questions, I have to feel guilty about if I don’t know something.

  1. The personality shall have the right not to depend on the attitude of others. Many people ignore their interests and seek to please everyone to be on board and loved. However, we can feel good and enjoy life, even if others do not approve something.

Mindset: others should love me and treat me well, that is the only way I can be happy.

  1. The personality shall have the right to say: “I don’t know what you want.” We don’t have to read the minds of others and guess what they want.

Mindset: I have to be sensitive and attentive to others, I need to anticipate their desires, otherwise I will not be loved for anything.

  1. The personality shall have the right to say: “I’m not interested.” We should not always listen with interest to others or do things that we do not like and are not interested in.

Mindset: I have to share the passions of others and support boring conversations, otherwise I will be cruel and coarse.

    Of course, it is not necessary to reduce these rules to the absurdity, when healthy and necessary selfishness evolves into self-centeredness and starts to violate the rights of other people.

The main task of the personality rights is to realize that to be well-informed and confident, the person doesn’t have to meet all the demands of strangers 
 Moreover, this is still unrealistic.

A self-confident person can be kind, can take care, and help others. At the same time, he does not have to feel bad if he does not fit into the framework of the ideal person.

Is it possible for a girl to be strong?

Is it possible for a girl to be strong

Contrary to existing stereotypes, a woman can become a confident and strong personality. At the same time, it is necessary to share the concept of power and imperiousness (or, rather, the tyrant’s slack). A strong person knows how to fend for oneself, but can also ask for help, if necessary, he can support a loved one and help him/her in a difficult situation. You can rely on a strong person. The imperious person seeks to undermine others, manipulate them, assert oneself at someone else’s expense, resort to psychological or physical violence if something contradicts its desires. If an imperious person is not interested in something, it will easily leave its partner in a difficult situation.

A strong person is capable of cooperation and dialogue, whereas the imperious one wants to dominate. As a rule, when they say that “a woman does not need to be strong”, they mean imperiousness. But if you look at the list of qualities of a strong personality, you will see that these are universal qualities that will be useful in the life of any person.

How do I know if I’m a strong person?

There are many intermediate options between the “strong” and “weak” person categories. The vast majority of people have good makings to become a strong personality, but someone lacks willpower, someone — confidence, and someone is hindered by inflated demands on themselves. Pass our test and determine what part of your personality is worth paying attention to.

The test consists of 4 blocks, with 5 statements each. Read them and reply “agree, most often it happens so” or “disagree, it happens very rarely.”

1st block
I often give up something that I started and regret it.It’s often hard for me to force myself to do something necessary.I have long-started and unfinished business that makes me uncomfortable.Many times I quit smoking/drinking/overeating or tried to start exercising/eating healthily, but I didn’t succeed.It’s hard for me to stop if I’m in an argument or a fight.
2nd block
I can throw out the clothes/things I like if others don’t like them.I can do something to please others, even if it will be to my detriment.I feel that I am worse than other people.It’s easy to convince me, even if I think I’m right.More often it is difficult for me to protect my opinion, I get lost and speak confusedly, especially if the opponent is active and assertive.
3rd block
I couldn’t achieve anything in my life because my education is not good enough.I am responsible, but something constantly prevents me from fulfilling the planned or promised things.I am responsible for everything that happens in my life.Sometimes it seems to me that I am a loser or that I have bad fate.I often consult with others before making any decision.
4th block
It seems to me that others have nothing to teach me, I know everything perfectly.I believe that correct information is always simple and accessible.I believe everything that a person authoritative for me says because he has already won my trust.I tend to believe what is being said on TV or written in newspapers.I believe in omens because they always come true for me.

Analyze your answers.

1st block reflects the willpower.

2nd block — for self-confidence.

3rd block — for a sense of responsibility.

4th block — for critical thinking.

The more “agree, most often it happens so” answers in each block, we recommend giving more attention to this side of your personality. However, remember that the test is only indicative, for a more accurate definition of weaknesses it is better to use the help of an expert person.

“I’m tired, I’m tired of everything. I want to be confident and strong, but I am weak and powerless, as they say, a lapdog. A couple of times, I’ve tried to train by reading books a couple of times, but it doesn’t work out. How to stop being shy and become confident? How to develop commitment? But so that you can handle it yourself. Up to this point, I can’t force myself to go to a psychologist, since I am a man and I have to decide everything myself. Well, if it does not work out? Forget about myself and go downstream? I don’t want.”

– Evgeniy, 27

Why it’s so hard to start and not quit?

Why it's so hard to start and not quit

To be aware of the difficulties that can arise in the process of self-improvement means to be prepared for them.

First reason.  We underestimate the complexity of the task. We think: “So, from today I become a strong personality, and wait for the decision to be implemented by itself. We’ve decided, and it sounds like we’ve already done. If it didn’t work out naturally, then it wasn’t meant to be, it’s not ours. After all, everything that “ours” should come easily? However, it’s not that. Mastering a new skill is a long and difficult process. You need not only to get used to new habits, to learn a new model of behavior, but also to get used to the old ones. That’s why behavioral techniques, such as the 7Spsy behavior modification technology, are so effective. They allow you to learn a new skill and consolidate it in behavior patterns.

Second reason.  We’re in a hurry and trying to bite off too much. So, what happens if you bite off more than you can chew? True, you can choke over. The same thing is with habits. If we went to bed all the time at 3 a.m., it’s hard to start falling asleep at 10 p.m. Therefore, it is better to break the tasks into small steps and change your behavior gradually.

Third reason. We give up after the first setback and scold ourselves. However, failures are natural in retraining. We do morning exercise for 6 days, and on the 7th we laze away. Treat such downturns as a natural element of retraining, not a failure.

Now that you know a little more about changing habits, you can move on to practical exercises.

How can a weak man or a woman become a strong personality?

How can a weak man or a woman become a strong personality

So how to become an active, proactive, and independent person? To do this, you need to work on yourself. First, you need to understand each concept and apply the following techniques.

1. Develop inner confidence

Self-confidence and self-reliance are the basic skills of a strong personality. I can, I can do it, I will be able to do it — such thoughts are the basis of any successful case. Although, of course, any person tends to doubt, and that’s OK. Confidence does not mean no doubt. Confidence is the ability to cope with your doubts.

So how to become more confident and boost confidence? 

It is important to soberly assess one’s capabilities: not to set sight on unattainable, vague goals, but to constantly expand the range of capabilities. This quality applies to all areas of activity: from home affairs to work in senior positions. At the same time, it is necessary to develop confidence that you will be able to find a way to achieve everything you want.

It will also help to establish relationships with others and make a good impression.

2. Develop a sense of self-responsibility for your decisions and actions

Critical attitude to the opinion of others will help you both to form your point of view, and to get rid of dependence on someone else’s opinion, to take responsibility for your own decisions and actions. This is a complex process, as it is impossible to be an expert in all spheres, and we have to take the experts’ bare word. However, you can be critical of most of the information, doubt and double-check what you hear.

  1. Reduce the flow of incoming information. Sometimes it seems that there is a race of self-development around. People consume tons of information: books, lectures, webinars, and marathons, again and again. However, when receiving a continuous stream of information, we do not reserve time for awareness. Reduce the number of sources from which you get information, take the time to think about what you’ve learned, analyze, check with what you knew before. Think of how to apply it.
  2. Don’t create idols for yourself. It happens that experts in one area begin to speak about the area which they do not understand. Politicians begin to engage in biology and pedagogy, former athletes – in psychology, and beekeepers – in anthropology. However, these people already have their admirers who already believe everything their gurus say, and fiercely defend them. An idol can’t be wrong, can he?

3. Analyze and consider your mistakes to draw conclusions and adjust your behavior

“I should perform only at A-level. Mistakes mean I’m stupid and incapable. I have to do everything well at once.” These and other similar beliefs are the consequences of our upbringing. We are taught that mistakes are shameful, mistakes are punished by low estimates, and those who do not study well automatically fall into the category of future janitors. However, it’s not that. It’s time to change your attitude to mistakes.

  1. Take it as it is. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s impossible to learn something without making a lot of mistakes.
  2. Keep going. Mistakes don’t mean you don’t have the ability.
  3. Divide yourself from your mistakes. Mistakes do not characterize you in any way and do not make you worse.
  4. Analyze. Errors show areas for growth. If you make a mistake, consider how you can avoid similar mistakes in the future.
  5. Be able to admit and see your mistakes, because a mistake does not mean that something is wrong with you.

4. Express your feelings openly

Any emotion has the right to exist. To manage your emotions you should be able to express openly what you feel, and at the same time try not to hurt the feelings of other people. If a person is angry, it is quite realistic to voice it, for example: “I am angry about this situation” or “I am angry with your tone” or “I am angry when I am treated disrespectfully”. It’s about all the senses. Not everyone can openly voice feelings, discontent, doubts, sadness, anger, and again it is related to the established behavior pattern.

Passion or anger can hinder and intensify conflict, and even lead to violence. It is useful to be able to work out your emotions to preserve one’s sanity even in the most difficult situations.

  1. Use self-instruction. Sometimes it is helpful to tell yourself what to do and how to do it. [6] “I can stay calm. I know it’s the most effective thing. I’m just going to repeat my request. There is no point in being angry, I can achieve my goal by staying calm.”
  2. Don’t worry about anger. People are angry, and it’s a normal reaction to frustration, that is, a situation where we want something but can’t get it. Instead of being angry with yourself because of intemperance, it is better to think about how you can achieve what you want. “Anger is just emotion, I’m just learning to control myself, everything is fine.”
  3. Take a walk. This physical activity helps to calm down and relieve stress. It is undesirable to beat objects to calm down, as it causes the “When I’m angry – I beat” habit.
  4. Every day in the evening write or mentally thank for all the situations and their participants for the day lived, for the emotions, and experience of this day.

5. Develop your autonomy and individuality

Think about your goals and desires: “What do you dream of? What are you aiming for?” You can start with a list: “my 10 desires.” This will help you go your own way.

To develop individuality it is important to find an inner resource for self-expression. Find an interesting hobby for you, pick up a wardrobe for your spirit, try to engage in creativity. Don’t be afraid to tell the world about yourself!

6. Get rid of envy

Envy takes a lot of energy, undermines self-confidence and leads to frustration. Where does it come from and how to get rid of the feeling of envy to other people?

Envy arises when we are confronted with social injustice. Why when I water the lawn all day long it turns yellow, and the neighbor has never watered it, and he has green grass? It’s not fair, is it? Unfair. Envy. That is, we are envious when it seems that others have received something undeservedly, without putting any effort, and we try, but the result is worse. It’s kind of a counter. How to turn it off and stop being envious of others? Only by a critical reflection of what is happening.

  1. Assess the amount of effort. Did the neighbor do nothing for his lawn? Or maybe you just didn’t see it? Is the neighbor well-groomed and beautiful in herself?  Maybe she invests in her appearance, goes in for sports, eats healthy food, and visits beauty salons?
  2. Assess the amount of happiness that a neighbor receives from his green lawn. Is lawn the most important thing for a happy life? Maybe long nails do not make their owner joyful and satisfied?
  3. Don’t compare yourself to others. How to stop being jealous and compare if everyone around is better and more successful? 

Accept the fact that everyone has their way and their successes. Yes, someone is better, so what? Someone else’s success does not make you worse, does not devalue your virtues. The only person to compare with is you in the past.

7. Set clear goals and go to them

To define your goals, you can first write down all your desires. Ask yourself the question: “What would I like to be in five years?”

Another good technique is the wheel of life balance. To do this, mark on the diagram below how satisfied are you with each area of your life? How long have you been playing sports? When was the last time you had a full rest and saw your family?  Do you have free time to engage in creativity? How can family relationships be improved? What to do with fatigue and nasty temper?

This way, it will be easier for you to assess which field is currently failing.

Then write down the result for each field you would score 10. For example, your workshop in the center of the city in the field of “hobby.”

Set clear goals and go to them

Based on the ideal image of yourself in the future, you will find it easier to understand what goals you need to set to get such a result. At the same time, try to define the goal as exactly as possible: not just “get more” but “get 20 thousand more rubles per month by September of the next year, with no more than 10 hours a day.”

When the goals are clearly defined, you need to note down the path to them in steps and correlate them with the calendar. In this case, the first step is to set something easily doable, for example, to write to an expert who works in the field you are interested in, or to view current vacancies.

When the goals are clearly defined and plans are outlined, you will not be able to waste time anywhere. Your life will become more organized and interesting. 

8. Act

Act

Learn to finish what you have started. The benefits of this skill are probably obvious to everyone. But how to become purposeful?

  1. Focus on your actions, not your emotions. A person who focuses on emotions and feelings does less than someone who focuses on action. [10] Of course, this does not mean that you should not pay attention to your feelings at all. For example, it is important to be able to enjoy what you have done. But when you want to do something – just do it, and deal with your feelings a little later.
  2. Learn to set goals. If you don’t have a purpose in life, or you’ve lost it, you don’t have to do something special or look for it somewhere. It is you who creates your goals. Small or global ones — buying a vacuum cleaner or conquering the world. 

Goals are the result of your decisions. Think about what is important to you in this life, how you would like to live, what to do, what kind of person you want to be. Your goal will depend on it.

  1. Use the area of near development. Do what you can’t do yourself, but you can if someone helps. For example, you can’t ride a bike yet, but you can handle it if someone is holding a bike’s trunk. After a while, you will master the skill, and it will pass into your development zone.
  2. Say your actions. “So, now I’m going to have tea and sit down for work. It’s time to change and go to training. No, no social media now, I’ll go and answer the letter.” Voicing specific actions increases concentration, but sayings like “get your shit together” is almost useless. [6]
  3. Pay attention to your behavior, which prevents you from achieving goals, and change it. “I want to get in shape, but I go and eat from boredom. What else can I do when I’m bored?” “I need to learn how to respond to letters at work, but I’m always burning the clock. What am I distracted by? How do I change this habit?” The 7Spsy behavior modification technology is based on this method of behavioral therapy when old and unsuccessful behavior patterns change to new and more effective ones. You will get used to acting differently, the way you want to. This process can be compared to updating a program on a computer to a new and working version.

One of the advantages of our program is the individual approach. You don’t just get a program that you have to apply to yourself. You will have a clear action plan adapted to your particular qualities. What behavior do you want to change? Maybe you are not envious at all, but you need self-confidence? Or you are confident in yourself, but it is difficult to finish what you have started. In any case, you can start to change very soon, since the course is remote, you do not need to go anywhere and wait for the flow to start. A personal psychologist will be ready to support you at any time — by phone, e-mail, or online chat. This format of communication with a psychologist is more productive than one meeting every 1-2 weeks.

As a result, in 2-6 weeks you will start to think and act as a strong personality, determine the goals and growth zones, learn to treat yourself with respect and be able to rely on yourself in difficult situations. As one unidentified psychologist said: “I will never be alone because I always have myself as a partner.”

But do we need psychologists? Isn’t a personable to changeby himself?

He/she is not only able, but also change this way. A psychologist does not control a person as a puppet, he will not be able to overcome your isolation and develop purposefulness for you. He can simplify and facilitate this process, make it shorter and more effective taking into account the dynamics and features of your retraining. First of all, a psychologist is a teacher. He teaches techniques and methods that help a person to develop personal qualities and change their behavior to another, more effective one. Learning these techniques, you will be able to apply them in the future, when the need arises.

9. Perfect yourself

Look for ways to improve your professional skills: now there are many online courses. Try yourself in different areas and directions. Learn foreign languages. Most importantly remember that it’s never too late to start!

10. Learn to enjoy life

In any situation, there is always a bright side.

Even crises and difficult events allow us to gain experience. What matters is how you accept this.

Learn to manage the quality of a strong personality

Make for consultation WATCH VIDEO

Being a strong person means having the necessary qualities to enjoy life and be successful. You can work with each quality individually, and with all aspects of the personality at once. The main thing is to remember that the time and money that you invest in the development of your personality always pay off.

References:

  1. People change when they make an effort to do this (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-13967-001?doi=1)
  2. The perception of willpower as a finite resource impairs self-control skills (https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2015-14256-005)
  3. The use of planned deviations (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1016/j.jcps.2015.05.001)
  4. Poor health, hunger and lack of sleep worsen self-control skills (https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2018.1495666?journalCode=psai20&)
  5. About the importance of physical activity (https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2212267)
  6. About the usefulness of self-instruction (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1745691611413136?journalCode=ppsa)
  7. People are less afraid if they have a reason to be less afraid (https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760.2018.1497685)
  8. Experience reduces the feeling of fear (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/105382591003300206)
  9. Someone else’s experience reduces fear (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1973-02970-001)
  10. Focusing on emotions worsens results compared to focusing on actions (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167213516636)