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Singapore (520866)
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“It’s embarrassing to talk about this, but I need advice. The truth is, my husband is very into pornography. In the past he used to watch only occasionally, and I was more or less okay with it. But now it’s affecting our sex life. I suspect that he watches porn and masturbates 3-4 times a week – I know how he looks like and behaves after getting an orgasm. And that’s when we haven’t had sex in three months. It would have been understandable if I let myself go or was stiff as a board in bed, but I’m not. I have a nice figure, and I love sex. But he prefers virtual women for some reason.”
— Elena, 25
One of the possible reasons for this behaviour is cybersex addiction. This type of addiction is less often spoken about than the gaming addiction, for example, but it can significantly damage people’s lives. As a result bachelors experience more difficulties socializing with people in real life, and married people distance themselves from their partners, turning their relationship in that of roommates. How does this addiction develops? How can we recognize it? What consequences can it have and, most importantly, how do we get rid of it? Let’s answer the most common questions.
Contents:
Cybersex addiction is a form of Internet and sexual addiction. Before, in the era of VCRs and disc phones, people would buy tapes under the table or use Phone Sex service. Now they’re browsing the internet for porn movies and hanging out in online chats.
If we use a scientific definition, it is a compulsive urge to visit porn sites or have cybersex. In other words, it is masturbation in front of a computer or smartphone screen with arousing stimulus being either erotic images and/or Internet communication about sex. Basically, it is a habit of getting sexual fulfilment through the means that are available on the Internet. They can be roughly divided into 3 large groups.
| Ways to obtain sexual satisfaction | |
| Pornography | Regular viewing of photos or videos with pornographic content, spending money to access paysites, collecting pornographic movies or photos. Read more about this in a separate article. |
| Sex chats and dating sites | Main purposes are intimate correspondence and virtual sex. Visitors don’t look for arranging a meeting in real life, probably even avoiding it. May include the exchange of intimate photos or sending photos of own genitalia to random people. |
| Webcam modeling. | Visitor pays money to have their video chatmates undress, say certain things, masturbate in front of a camera or watch other people masturbate, perform various intimate tasks. |
Most people use the web for sexual gratification and do not become dependent. [1] Such behaviour can be a manifestation of curiosity, a desire to unwind, learn something new, or diversify their sexual experience. Sometimes it can even be beneficial. For example, video chats or virtual sex with your partner, who is on a long business trip, will help maintain a healthy love life.
At what point and why does ordinary recreation activity turn into pathological craving? Let’s consider main causes and signs of addiction to virtual sex.
As with other addictions, the main rationale behind it is an attempt to escape from real life into something simpler, clearer and more accessible. So what drives people to cybersex?
Cybersex addiction is marked by the same signs as other types of addiction: [2]
Some signs can only occur occasionally, such as shame or refusal to work. In general, these signs are a reason to start paying attention to the problem.
This type of addiction can be experienced by many different people: men and women, adolescents and adults, single and ones with a family. However, men are more likely to use the Internet to satisfy their sexual needs than women. [1]
“Hear me out and decide for yourself who is right and who isn’t. Here’s the thing. I know my husband sometimes masturbates in the shower, if he’s tired and wants to have sex, but doesn’t want to go through the effort in bed. I’m okay with this kind of stuff, because he is not the only one to do it from time to time. And then he found the movie on my computer. Erotica. I wasn’t hiding it, it’s not a big deal, right? But he started grousing that it’s the same as if I was cheating on him. So, to recap, when he looks at other women, it’s okay, and when I look at men, it’s cheating. We’re still fighting about it. Do you believe that watching porn is cheating or not?”
— Arina, 32
There can be no unequivocal answer, because different people perceive the concept of cheating differently. It can depend on the cultural peculiarities as well as on personal worldview. For example, for some people even thinking about another person would mean a breach of trust. And for others, flirting and hugging is a matter. Moreover there are types of marriage when sex with multiple partners is not considered cheating: polygyny and polyandry. So the question of whether cybersex or watching porn is considered cheating must be decided by each couple separately. It is best if the husband and wife have the same opinion on this issue, otherwise they may experience conflicts and misunderstandings.
Of course, there’s no harm or it’s minimal, if we’re talking about cybersex as a recreational activity, one of many. But if a person is already addicted, it can have a negative impact on all areas of his life.
Since cybersex addiction has all the indicators of a common addiction, the ways to fight against it are the same too. Medical treatment is possible in particularly difficult cases. [5] But usually behavioural therapy is enough to get rid of a bad habit and replace it with something more useful.
Note that it’s not enough just to drop the habit. If addiction is rooted in some serious underlying problems, even with the craving gone those problems will not disappear. For example, a person has become accustomed to relieving stress through cyber sex. He understands that this habit is a hindrance to his life, because he is also tempted to relieve stress in this way at work, for example, which is not always appropriate or possible. He could make an arbitrary decision to simply stop masturbating – but the need to relieve stress will remain. Therefore, it is important not to simply break old habits, but to form new, useful and adaptive ones in their stead.
That’s why 7Spsy behaviour modification technique not only quickly and painlessly breaks the addiction, but also helps you develop new habits. After 2-6 weeks you’ll notice how your craving for cybersex or pornography has decreased and stopped controlling you. You will have more control over your pursuits and start getting more pleasure from real sex. And new habits will help you better cope with the challenges in your life.
The sessions are remote and completely confidential: you will not have to personally discuss topics that are considered uncomfortable by many people. You choose when and where to conduct these sessions, and our psychologists will be ready to support you by phone, online chat or e-mail.
This option is possible, especially if you already have experience fighting other addictions. But if you feel you’re not doing well, feel free to seek the help of professionals – it’s their purpose. But if discussing the the topic is still difficult to you and it prevents you from solving the problem, you can always choose a remote expert with whom you will not have to talk face to face.
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