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Singapore (520866)
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“It is very embarrassing to tell my story, but I’ll say it as it is: I am a real coward in life. In childhood I already was a timid and shy boy, I could not fight back, I was afraid to fight. Because of this, my classmates constantly bullied me. I’ve never been involved in sports, I was such a classic nerd – and remained it. Nothing has changed either in the institute or in adulthood. I can still stumble upon some bad guys coming home late at night. They don’t touch me, of course, I look like a normal adult man. But I seem to attract them. And yes, I’m still afraid. My character is completely not masculine. And I was always embarrassed to meet girls, I don’t understand how my wife even appeared. 🙂 Well, in the rest of life, cowardice does not help much: I only dream of high positions, I’m afraid to make mistakes, to take responsibility. I’m even afraid to have children, although my wife wants them. In short, I urgently need to take my life into my own hands, otherwise I will remain nobody. It remains to understand how to become bolder and more self-confident”.
– Victor, 33.
There is probably no such person who is not afraid of anything. Each of us has different phobias – for example, fear of heights, insects, dentists or confined spaces. And, of course, almost any person will be worried before doing something for the first time – for example, speaking in public. This is perfectly normal, and having fear is not equal to cowardice. The latter can be spoken of if a person cannot overcome their fear, even for the sake of their own health or success.
Cowardice can greatly embitter one’s life – it has many consequences: from failures in business or difficulties in personal life to low self-esteem and even depression. In order to be successful and happy, each person needs to learn to cope with their fears, get over them and be bolder.
In this article we will discuss what cowardice can lead to, why courage is so important, and share some ways to get rid of natural cowardice and become a braver person.
Important note: developing courage is not equal to getting rid of fears. Fear is a congenital or acquired reaction of the psyche to a threat, real or imaginary. But courage or cowardice is first of all our choice. These qualities are closely related to the volitional sphere: in order to perform an action in spite of your fear, you need to make a conscious decision. If you do not suffer from excessive shyness in general, but have a phobia that poisons your life, we recommend reading our article on how to deal with fears.
Contents:
For many of us there is a stereotype related to braveness and courage that these qualities are needed only in extreme situations, for example, when it is necessary to save someone’s life. That is, the manifestation of courage is equal to a feat. But, you must admit, we do not get into such circumstances every day. Why, then, do we need courage? Let’s figure it out:
Courage does not mean not being afraid of anything, but it is always about an internal readiness to overcome one’s own fears, the ability to act despite them. [1] And fear is one of the main “brakes” of human development. Fear paralyzes, deprives of achievements, new knowledge, new impressions, pleasure from life.
When we make the decision to cast aside our fears and become bolder, life begins to change as if by magic. In fact, this change in your behavior allows you to achieve career and creative success, create close and fulfilled relationships, meet new people and get vivid impressions. Life becomes really full. As if earlier the picture of life was gray, but now it is finally painted with all the colors of the rainbow. You will not recognize yourself and your life in a few months after growing accustomed to showing braveness and courage.
In addition, courage gives an incomparable sense of pride in oneself, self- worth, and high self-assessment. And these feelings are very motivating for further achievements.
“I’ve been going with the flow all my life: school, college, boring office work. Partner I didn’t love who was “chosen” for me by parents – they said he is a good guy and that I shouldn’t miss my chance. I was even going to get married. And on the day when we brought the documents to the registry office, something seemed to click inside: I want to become brave! I thought: where is my life heading? I was a good girl all my life, afraid to make decisions; I did not dare to express my opinion – parents always decided everything for me. I was seriously afraid that I would never meet anyone better than my fiancé, that I would always be alone – and I was only 23 years old, the very beginning of my life! I was afraid to be left without education, without work, without house – who needed me, where would I go with my meager skills? Dreams of travel and creativity were pushed aside, and I already forgot that I once had them.
That day, I stopped my boyfriend literally in the middle of the road and said that I wouldn’t go anywhere with him – in any sense. The following week, I decisively quit my job. I used my holiday pay to buy paints and excitedly painted the next two weeks. And then I overcame my shyness, posted my works on social networks and the next day received the first order for an illustration.
My story is not like a fairy tale: I still have not met my “prince”, but only because I approach my relationships much more responsibly, I’m not afraid to grow old alone, and I don’t grab the first person I meet. I still don’t earn millions and haven’t traveled all over the world, but at least I’m doing what I love; I feel that I am developing every day and that I have prospects. Life finally started making sense. All I needed to do was to cast aside my fears and doubts and take the first step. Good thing I did it on time!”
– Anna, 25.
Cowardice seems a relatively “harmless” character trait, but in fact it has a lot of serious consequences:
Modern psychology offers many ways to get rid of cowardice and fear. They work well if you use them regularly and in combination. Indeed, the development of these qualities is similar to the development of a habit: the brain needs time to form new neural connections and learn a new model of behavior.
We will share with you several ways how to overcome cowardice, and you just have to try them out for yourself, choose the most suitable ones and, finally, become a brave girl or a courageous man.
Often the cause of cowardice is self-doubt and low self-esteem. And then, even if you intentionally develop courage, the results will be much lower, because the reason is not eliminated. We recommend reading an article on how to increase self-esteem and become more self-confident or take a course to modify the behavior with 7Spsy, aimed at solving this problem.
It’s better to start accustoming your brain to bold behavior with very small tests that are guaranteed to succeed. For example, go to a creative master class for beginners, memorize a poem and read it aloud to a loved one, take a new amusement ride or change the recipe for a familiar dish a little – it all depends on what you are afraid of. You can start with changes in appearance: buy a thing of an unusual style or in bright color or make an unusual manicure. That way you will gradually accustom your psyche to the fact that there is nothing wrong with this.
When a person starts working as a sales manager or in a call center and is afraid to make the first call, he/she is usually advised to write verbatim phrases to start the conversation, or, even better – possible options for developing the conversation. That really makes sense. Firstly, the prepared script is a safety net in case the employee forgets what to say or the conversation goes in a wrong direction. And, secondly, preparation helps to tune in to overcome fear. When the person has already gone over the future conversation in their head, the brain believes that the frightening event has already taken place, which means there is nothing more to fear. As a result, the conversation is easier.
This advice applies to many areas of our lives where courage is required. Get ready whenever you can. [2]
Remember your student years. Have you ever wondered why excellent students have always passed exams in the top five? It’s not because they were so self-confident and not afraid of anything. Simply, the less time we spend on worries, the more resources we have directly for the task. Experienced winter bathers or parachute jumpers argue that it is easiest to decide on such an act if you turn off your thoughts and just take a step. And such brave people just cannot be wrong. If you worry over a frightening situation in your head for a long time, you won’t have any strength left to show courage. Sometimes you need to stop thinking about how to stop being a coward, but just go and do it, no matter how it sounds. And with each subsequent action, your courage will only grow. [1] Don’t indulge in procrastination. Act!
We already wrote about this in the article about self-confidence and we will repeat again: our body is integral, internal and external are inextricably linked. The way we behave affects our sense of self. Imagine how a brave and courageous person you want to become would look like: direct posture, confident walking, wide gestures, direct look. Reproduce this manner, rehearse it in front of the mirror. Let it become a part of you – and internal changes will not take long. [3]
You probably have dreams that you are very afraid to fulfill. Make a list of them and hang them in a prominent place. Re-read it every morning and imagine how you fulfill these dreams in color. Imagine what you see, what you hear, how your skin feels, what feelings overwhelm you. You can even make a “wish list” – hang some pictures illustrating your dreams on the wall. Such a detailed “feeling” of your dreams will prepare the brain for their fulfillment, help you to worry less, inspire and motivate you to take particular actions.
“A journey a thousand miles long begins with the first step”. No matter how trite it may sound, it’s true. Ask yourself right now: “What can I do today to get closer to what I’m afraid of?” Identify the smallest step and take it immediately. Then identify the following one. So gradually you can change your whole life.
This is really a very effective remedy in the fight against cowardice. Sports help become more confident, which is important on the way to courage. Sports make you rise above yourself every day, leave the comfort zone, try something new and reach new heights. This is what literally helps you become bold: by mastering self-defense skills or just becoming stronger, you would definitely stop being afraid of strong guys from the neighborhood. And to make the path to courage easier and more effective find a trainer who will support you and will not allow you to give up in moments of failure.
If you still have not found the answer to the question of how to get rid of cowardice, it has most likely become a stable model of behavior, learned over the years, part of your personality. To defeat it, you need to identify the mindset that led to its development, and replace them with more positive one.
7Spsy behavior modification technique is suited to it. It is a patented method of behavioral psychology based on the theories of famous psychologists I.P. Pavlov, B.F. Skinner, A.A. Ukhtomsky. Working using this method allows you to understand why you are using an ineffective behavior model, and replace it with a new, constructive one.
The 7Spsy behavior modification course begins with diagnosing the problem. It takes only 2-6 weeks: this time is enough to fix new mindset. Work is done remotely at a convenient time for you. During the course, you can always turn to a professional psychologist for support through online chat, by e-mail or by phone.
The result of using 7Spsy technique will be bold behavior – the ability to courageously cope with your fears. And that means a completely new life: bright, filled with meaning, achievements and victories, beloved people and new experiences. It is definitely worth learning to overcome your fears.
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