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Manuals for achieving happiness, podcasts with meditations, psychologists’ profiles on Instagram are gaining more and more popularity every day. It would seem that the trend is quite positive. But the more we hear about how to find peace and enjoy life, the clearer the outlines of the problem appear: more and more people in everyday life experience stress.
“I am a leading engineer and always felt confident in my work. But everything has changed. Recently, the company has fired two good competent employees and has taken the relatives of the boss at their place. It seems absurd, their qualifications are lower, their work suffers, such decisions will certainly make no good. And there is a feeling anyone can lose their place just like this. And finding a new job now is not so simple…”
– Sergey, 39, engineer
According to the Levada Center, on the question “How often do you personally experience stress and tension at the end of the day?” 11% of respondents answered they felt anxious very often, almost daily; 22% – often, once or twice a week.
When they were asked what helps them cope with a sense of anxiety, 17% admitted a tendency to resort to alcoholic beverages, and only 1% said that communication with a psychologist helps them. Of course, the last indicator does not speak about the effectiveness of working with a specialist, but about how small the proportion of people who seek psychological support is. [1]
Continuous neglect of internal feelings and psychological help can be fraught with serious consequences: loss of job, breakdown in relationships with a partner, tantrums, nervous breakdowns, clinical depression, heart attacks, diseases of the central nervous system and internal organs.
How not to trap yourself in daily anxieties? Let’s talk about it.
Contents:
Speaking about the importance of peace of mind, first we will give it a definition – it is a balanced, calm state of mind, with no worries and anxieties. A person, who is capable of the art of self-control, can maintain inner calm, without betraying one’s values in the most difficult emotional and critical situations. A lack of self-control compels a person to give in to difficulties, to succumb to momentary desires and manipulations from other people:
“Before I used to do everything by myself. Who is cooking dinner with friends? I am. Who orders train tickets for everyone? I do. Everyone told me: “Sveta, you do it better than all of us….” Of course, I liked being praised. But the organization of all these meetings, trips, parties has taken away my time and energy. I began to worry often, because I was very demanding to myself.
Now I share responsibilities: brother cooks, daughter-in-law buys train tickets. And I … I only control them in the end! And it makes me free from stress”.
– Svetlana, 29, photographer
Tightrope walker Philippe Petit became world famous in 1974, walking along a stretched cable between the North and South Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York. His skill then was so great that he went not only several times from the beginning to the end of the rope and back, but even sat down and laid on the rope, and again continued his way. Of course, he possessed his body very well, and for this he needed years of training. But would he have performed such an unprecedented trick if he had not mastered his spirit in perfection? Hardly yes.
Each person needs to find balance of mind in life, in order not to fall into the emotional abyss, as Philip needed, in order not to fall from a height of more than 400 meters. [2]
“How not to lose your temper?” I have a rule: when I am in a strange situation, I count to ten and slowly exhale. And then I tell myself: a solution does exist, and you’re kind of smart, and so you can do it!”
– Natalia, 30, freelancer
If you have the physical and psychological resources to adapt quickly in stressful situations, you will easily cope with them. Imagine that a boss or relative told you something rude, and in response to this you shrugged your shoulders and thought to yourself, maybe a person woke up on the wrong side of the bed, well, it happens. This reaction occurs due to stable emotional intelligence: there was an awareness of the stress factor at the level of the central nervous system, the central nervous system produced the necessary reaction to neutralize this factor. [3]
Such a reaction is possible if the mind is in a stable resource state. Staying “in the resource” and maintaining balance is helped by daily physical activity, adherence to sleep and wakefulness, an ability to relax during the day and to be quiet sometimes. This recipe can be supplemented with own items for each person.
Why does not everyone manage to maintain self-control as easily as Natalia does?
Unfortunately, there are many reasons for this, and some of them have influenced us from early childhood.
This condition, inherent in children, is also called “basic anxiety” by psychoanalysts. A child instinctively reacts to the external environment, when it can pose a threat to survival, feels helplessness in a potentially hostile world. Some adults also have this condition, it leads to increased anxiety.
Mother’s anxiety is caused by a natural instinct and is fully justified during pregnancy and in the first months of a baby’s life. Growing up, the baby is becoming more independent. If a mother (or both parents or grandparents) continues to transmit to him/her an alarming model of behavior, protect him/her from all dangers, this accustoms a child to a constant mode of anxiety.
Such parents prefer to prohibit a child and limit his/her contact with the outside world, taking care or showing dictatorial disposition.
The child gets used to thinking that the world around is dangerous. He/she is forced to evaluate each of own decisions in terms of possible disapproval. As a result of such education, as an adult, a person does not know how to adequately respond to stress, does not know how to cope with anxiety.
Frequent irritation of the central nervous system by stress factors makes it vulnerable, stress goes to the following levels – it causes a reaction from the autonomic nervous system and the immune system.
When the efforts spent on labor and domestic activities are not compensated by rest, fatigue accumulates, and anxiety appears.
The tendency to anxiety can be explained by the characteristics of temperament. For example, cholerics are inherently active. It often manifests itself in instability and restless behavior. Melancholic people, on the contrary, are fearful and sensitive to the mood of others, they can put off their desires for later and therefore suffer from increased anxiety.
In a sick state, a person becomes more susceptible to fears, despondency and irritability. Waiting for medical results, staying in bed, making unpleasant decisions – all this can affect the mental state.
Experienced life-threatening and tragic circumstances, not processed by a human mind, continue to live inside, poisoning the existence.
Not always a person can independently understand the reasons of own fears and worries. If you feel that you need help, contact a psychologist.
A convenient option that does not require much time is to take a course of the 7Spsy behavior modification technique.
What to do if self-control fails daily? The answer may seem too general, but it is the only right one – to work on yourself. It includes to admit the right to make mistakes sometimes and try not to torment yourself with guilt feelings for them.
“In the kitchen, if you do your job well, you will burn like a wick. You spend the whole day on your feet, constantly giving instructions, sometimes you break down on people. It’s hard – mentally and physically. But only giving 100% of yourself it is possible to do something worthwhile. I had situations when I became desperate, stopped and asked myself: “How to stop being nervous and become calm? Is it really valuable and necessary what I am doing? Maybe I’m just wasting my time?” I overestimated and changed a lot in my life, but did not leave the profession. I still have no confidence that what I’m doing is good enough. But I try to give myself some kind of tolerance, I allow myself to be imperfect. I am in constant dialogue with myself”.
– Nikolay, 37, chef
Here are some tips for becoming calmer and more balanced:
If you have not found the right means for yourself, how to find peace of mind, how to become calm and balanced person, do not get despaired. The first step you have already taken is awareness of the problem. We recommend that you go further and take the second important step – contact qualified specialists.
The 7Spsy behavior modification technique is a patented method based on the theories of the founders and authorities in the field of behavioral psychology: the theory of conditioned reflexes by I.P. Pavlov, the theory of dominants by A.A. Ukhtomsky, the theory of hidden reinforcement by A. Banudra, the theory of attitudes by D.N. Uznadz, etc. It allows you to cope with difficulties: identify psychological attitudes which cause worrying and anxiety, and replace them with new positive attitudes aimed at finding peace and balance.
Classes on the 7Spsy behavior modification technique are held remotely. This format of work is convenient because you can make a class schedule at a time convenient for you, in a comfortable environment. The program is completely confidential, you may not tell your family about your activities. The psychologist supports you during classes, answers your questions throughout the course via a convenient communication channel: in online chat, by phone or e-mail. The entire program lasts 2-6 weeks.
You can learn the art of self-control, live in harmony with yourself and the world!
