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Relationship strained to the limit: how to rebuild trust in each other?

24.10.2019 Author: psiholog pavel horoshutin

Distrust can destroy even the strongest relationships. Suspicions, jealousy and fears – this rattlesnake mixture of negative emotions often does not allow one to enjoy a relationship to the full. Partners are living on a volcano: one wrong word or action, and everything would collapse. Let’s talk about the most important thing that should be present in a relationship — trust, and how pathological jealousy destroys it. Is it possible to rebuilt trust in the relationship and how to do it?

Contents:

  1. Trust is the basis of a relationship
  2. Why does trust disappear from a relationship?
  3. How can a man and woman not lose trust in a relationship?
  4. What to do if the trust in the relationship is lost? 5 helpful tips

Trust is the basis of a relationship

how not to lose confidence

What is the basis of the relationship between man and woman? It is possible to talk for a long time about love and passion, believe in the theory of “twin souls” and say that it was fate that brought you together. But even the most beautiful words cease to matter when there is no trust and respect in the relationship. 

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Trust in a relationship is the belief that partner’s words, actions and intentions are true. It is like glue that connects a man and a woman, gives them a chance to open up and be happy. Relationships based on trust are easily recognized by several characteristics:

  • unwillingness to hide anything from each other;
  • a sense of emotional protection that partners give each other;
  • feeling comfortable in a partner’s company;
  • resolving any conflict by seeking compromise
  • showing tenderness and care for each other;
  • mutual aid and moral support no matter what happens. [1]

Why does trust disappear from a relationship?

is it possible to regain trust in a relationship

Trust in the relationship between a man and a woman is very fragile. A strong emotional connection can break down even with an impressive “experience” of life together.

What leads to a loss of trust in a relationship?

  • cheating;
  • betrayal,
  • constant lies and unspoken words, and
  • unfulfilled promises.
It’s not just one particular action that can destroy trust. Sometimes the relationship does not withstand the pressure of constant suspicions caused by jealousy of one of the partners.

When one of the partners has a bad habit of controlling and distrusting his lover all the time, jealousy becomes a pathological model of behavior. Checking phone correspondence, frequent calls, quarrels concerning small things and nitpicking – all this emotionally exhausts everyone and stops them enjoying their life. One does not trust, fearing that they will be abandoned, and the other gets tired of total control and scandals and no longer believes that their loved one can change. Pathological jealousy and trust cannot exist in a relationship both at the same time. [2]

How can a man and woman keep trust in a relationship?

how to regain trust in a relationship

The highest level of trust in a relationship is something more than just honesty of both partners. In this state, they are ready to listen, understand and, most importantly, change for the better to make their life as a couple more comfortable.

At first glance it seems easy to master the “formula of happiness.” But in practice, everything is more complicated. It is often an unhealthy behavior pattern that causes lies, betrayal and jealousy —main destroyers of trust. Self-doubt can trigger cheating, when one of the partners wants to prove to the world that they can charm anyone.

Pathological jealousy has a similar basis – insecurities and fear of loneliness, as well as believes and scenarios incorporated from parent’s example. One partner demonizing the other with or without a valid reason, not even giving them a chance to justify themselves, is a way of asserting oneself and proving to oneself that everything is under control.  

Constantly lying and failing to fulfill promises indicate a weak will and fear of defeat. People tell lie to avoid quarreling with their partner and show themselves in the best light. [2] 

In order not to lose trust and respect in the relationship, both partners need to seriously work on themselves. It is important to change the behavior model — to overcome self-doubt and numerous fears, to learn to solve family conflicts with calm dialogue, and to temper the overgrown ego. Especially suspicious partners, who torment both themselves and their loved ones with jealousy, will finally have the chance to overcome and move past negative experience.

What to do if the trust in the relationship is lost? 5 helpful tips

It is possible to make piece even after the “grandiose” scandal – after cheating, betrayal and especially after a huge bout of jealousy. However, the temporary lull in a series of quarrels does not mean that trust has returned to the relationship between man and woman. Unspoken reproaches and hidden grievances will overshadow life as a couple.

It is possible to rebuild trust in the relationship only if both partners are ready to move forward and restore the lost trust. Here are some recommendations:

  1. Speak sincerely

It is time to stop lying and talking round corners because honesty and trust are the keys to a strong relationship. Both partners must be ready for a constructive dialogue to resolve existing problems. Talk frankly about your feelings, express your grievances. 

  1. Learn to forgive

For many forgiving equals to simply saying: “I forgive you”. What’s more important is whether a man and a woman are ready for personal changes, whether they will be able to step over insults and unconditionally believe each other once again.

To restore trust in a relationship after betrayal, one will have to forgive “for real” rather than just saying the “right” words. If this does not happen, the following will continue indefinitely: the guilty person will face pressure and moral humiliation, and their wary partner will be full of tension, waiting for history to repeat itself. The offender would be rehabilitating himself in the eyes of his/her beloved for a long time. There is a risk that after the next mistake, it will no longer be possible to regain trust in the relationship.

  1. Stop blaming each other

It often happens that past grievances pop up in quarrels. As a rule, it is a means of manipulating the affected party. But the conflict will not be solved in this way, the situation will only worsen. That is why it is so important to learn to forgive, so as not to constantly be reminded about past mistakes.

  1. Prove that this would not happen again

To bring back a relationship built on trust, it is important to prove to the partner that what happened would not happen again. The best way to do this is to change your usual behavior by working through negative believes.

  • The one who cheated has to analyze their reasons for the affair and avoid the “temptations” in the future.
  • A jealous partner needs to strengthen their self-confidence and stop being afraid of possible betrayals that may not ever happen. 
  • A liar needs to break the habit of lying.
  1. Complete 7Spsy psychological training on behavior modification technique

When the unfounded jealousy of one of the partners becomes the cause of distrust in the couple, seek the help of a psychologist to learn to trust your partner.

The 7Spsy Behavior Modification Technique course has proven to be highly effective in working through negative believes. This is a patented technique based on the theories of I.P. Pavlov, B.F. Skinner, A.A. Ukhtomsky, and others.

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The training will help to get rid of pathological jealousy as an unhealthy behavior pattern. By changing negative believes, you will find the strength to forget about past grievances and get rid of the exhausting feeling of anxiety, learn to speak openly about your feelings. This will help build a relationship based on honesty and trust with your partner. 

The 7Spsy Behavior Modification Technique training is designed for up to 6 weeks. Classes are held in a convenient remote mode, when you receive all the necessary specialist advice by phone and e-mail, and in online chat rooms. Since classes are strictly confidential, you can avoid telling anyone that you are participating in the training.

Do not forget how important trust is in a relationship. Do not hope that it will return with a wave of a magic wand. It is up to you to change for the better.

References:

  1. «Skorost doveriya. To, chto menyaet vse», 2019 g., Rebecca R. Merrill.
  2. «V poiskah lyubvi. Ot lozhnogo doveriya k doveriyu istinnomu», 2018 g., T. Trobe.